Baby #2

I told my pregnant wife that I won't shave until she delivers this baby. So, that means if this doesn't happen in a week I will look like Jesus, only I have better abs (just kidding,Jesus, we have equally good abs) It's like being famished and at a really good restaurant; your order has been placed, but where the hell is the waitress with your food? Did you know that eating eggplant parmigiana can possibly induce labor? So can driving on a bumpy road. Tonight I drove down a powdery cliff while spoon feeding my wife eggplant which she washed down with castor oil and balsalmic vinegar and still nothing. She is now vacumming the carpet while galloping like a horse. There is R rated stuff you can do as well, but my wife can barely get up from a chair without assistance and she thinks she looks like Kirstie Alley after she ate Jenny Craig/ Refrigerator Perry (I think she looks beautiful) but my opinion only matters when it comes to purchasing household appliances. In the meantime, we have decided after much deliberation not to name our son the following names-Norman, Buford, Reginald, Domino, Survey, Hopscotch, Kenyata, Tre-table, Conrad, Jorge or Yoko Jr. (Sorry Grandma I know you had your heart set on Kenyata.)My wife has gotten a burst of energy and is now cleaning the bathroom, tonight might be the night after all. Earlier in the evening she tried fixing the hole in the roof and I was left with claw marks across my face trying to restrain her. Our first child was born late on a Sunday following a come from behind Giants' victory that helped propel their Super Bowl Run. I remember waiting with her and watching a marathon of the failed Snoop Dog reality show "Father Hood." I can't remember the doctor's name or the time the baby was delivered, but I do remember that Snoop's favorite place to eat was Roscoe's House of Chichicken and Waffles (what kind of Dad am I?). I recall beforehand believing that I'd be holding her hand and damping her sweaty forehead with a cold compress while encouraging her to push, but instead I ended up holding her leg for close to an hour and witnessing a scene straight from the movie Saw. Don't look down! Don't ever look down!... That's my advice for the father to be. That evening was a total blessing, we had some scary moments, but it was unforgettable and it ended with the greatest gift a man could ever ask for. So whether it's tonight or next Friday i'm pumped and suddenly overcome with the desire to eat some chicken and waffles.

(Thanks for all the people who have told me they enjoy reading this blog if it wasn't for you i'd have quit by now and taken up crocheting)